Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Only Thing Worse That Could Happen Is I Could Have the Swine Flu Or Some Other Deadly Disease

I'm to the point where dropping out of college is becoming more and more appealing. Sadly, I am not joking about that. Within the next couple weeks, particularly while being at home this weekend, a decision will have to be made. It's becoming more and more clear that the idea of me graduating of May is passing farther and farther away from my reach.

I hate that I'm so close and yet graduation is out of my reach. I should have known that since it seemed like I had everything under control that everything is not under control. So what do I do? I do intend on getting my degree. I won't come this close to it and never get it, but I'm thinking I will drop out and get a job doing something and then go back later, in a year or something, and finish my last year. But honestly, at this point, I want nothing more to do with this ridiculous school. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of adding me to the list of people who have graduated with a degree from their institution.

I don't know what I would do for a job if I drop out. Maybe the military? I don't know anymore. It's weird, but it seems like whenever I'm at school, I have the strong desire to be in the military, but when I go home, I lose that desire. I don't think I want to be an officer, but I think I'd like to be in the military. But then that means no Denmark for Grad school :( But with the money I'd make in the military I could save up and then go there for a vacation one year. IDK.

I just really don't have the desire to be at this ridiculous school anymore.

Today I found out that I've somehow overlooked the fact that I need to take POL 408 to graduate. How is it that while planning my class schedule for the last three years that I've managed to skip that class? HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE? This makes no sense. And, of course, the class is only given in the fall. Oh and it's during my history class. Sure, I could drop my history class and add my POL 408 but I need that history class.

I just don't care anymore. And I don't mean about getting my degree. I want nothing more to get my degree, but I just don't care about this ridiculous school anymore. I don't want to give them anymore money. I don't want to give them my service. I don't want to be here anymore.

So what do I do? I suppose I could transfer...but to where? I just don't know what to do. And I know what my parents will say. They will tell me to tough it out and do what I have to get my degree. I only have 9 months left.

But that's not what I want. I don't want to be here anymore. Everyday for the past five days I've wanted to just bawl my eyes out because nothing is going right. It's like the world has conspired against me. I'm so thoroughly unhappy here. I don't like any of my classes. I am so pissed that this stupid school won't accept my science class and that I have to appeal one of my grades and that I never knew I need POL 408 despite the fact I've been meticulously planning every semester since I was freshman. I hate that I can never get into my dorm because the stupid key system doesn't work and I that don't have a job. I hate that I still have to finish that stupid research methods class and I have to write that stupid issue for Model UN and I have to be president of a club that no one cares about. I just don't care anymore.

I'm done.

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